Seeing as women frequently complain about men covering or discussing female issues (see abortion), can I complain about Courtney Martin’s piece at The American Prospect about the search to redefine masculinity? I don’t have a problem with her attempting it; it provides a good place to leap into a detailed discussion. In fact, I see gender concerns being so intertwined that it is one reason I so loath the terms “women’s studies” and “feminism” being used generically to apply to discussions of gender. Those terms imply it is about, for and by women. See my early post on “post-feminism” for a broader discussion of this. Now on to the article.
This contemporary movement of gender-conscious young men is largely identifying themselves in terms of what they are against. They’re not rapists. They’re not misogynists. They’re also not particularly effective in imagining what they do want to be.
Courtney cites what I consider an offensive term, that of a pursuit for a “feminist masculinity.” I feel this need to define a positive masculinity succumbs to the same problems that feminism had in condemning traditional femininity. The problem was never with femininity, but the expectation that women would fit that category. Similarly, most of masculinity is not inherently problematic (though there are aspects that certainly are). It would be bad to do away with masculinity and I don’t see the need to drastically redefine it. What we need to do is unbind being a man from being masculine the way that being a woman has been separated from being feminine.
I get some push back claiming that the feminine man is the least respected of the four gender/sex combinations, the claim is that a masculine woman is more disliked. I find this almost impossible to believe. You may get references to powerful women that sound degrading, but they hide a jealousy and respect. Tomboy remains the main term in adolescence for a girl who acts boyish. Tomboy is almost never used as an insult. There are almost no positive terms to describe a boy who acts girlish in adolescence. I know, because I heard most of them growing up.
Still, what we need is to not expect any set of given behaviors based on our sex. We should be free to be who we are, and have society find a place for us. If masculine and feminine personalities mesh well (as dominant and submissive ones often do) we could expect masculine men or women to couple with feminine men or women. I think this is why the search by those in Courtney’s article struggle to find a “good” masculinity. Redefining masculinity makes no more sense than rediscovering traditional masculinity.
Many young men, it seems, are stuck in stage one of gender consciousness. They want to prove that they are one of the “good ones” and separate themselves from all the gendered behaviors and beliefs that they now see as oppressive. That, or they wallow in guilt. (This is not unlike the stage many white kids get stuck in upon fully realizing their role in perpetuating racism.) At worst, this point of view is paralyzing. At best, it leads to burnout. It’s not until privileged folks, men in this case, can own the ways in which they have a self-interest in resisting systems of oppression that their work becomes sustainable.
I think this is important. It is not productive for men (or whites) to wallow in guilt about some inequality they are purported to be perpetuating simply by being a man (or white). I’ve stated before in commenting about racism/sexism that it is not sensical to blame men (or whites) for ways in which they benefit from a system of injustice upon which they have no control or input. I didn’t ask to be paid more than an equivalent woman so if I am, it is hardly my fault (actually, I’m almost positive I am not paid more).
But while it isn’t good to induce guilt when talking about identity, it is very good to show why overturning inequalities can be in the self-interest of the allegedly empowered. As a man, blurring gender constructs is greatly in my interest because I would no longer be expected by society (men and women alike) to live up to certain standards that I may not want to live up to.
But that is something Courtney seems to ignore completely. The masculine identity, as misogynistic as it can be, is not held in place simply by patriarchy and other men, it is held in place by women, who too often talk the talk of wanting softer men, but fail to walk the walk. At the end of the day, they are still drawn to those masculine men, and what really pisses me off, so am I. I prefer the same type of guy that I chide women for preferring to the exclusion of myself.
